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Breaking: Trump Throws Impotent Fit Over “Rigged” Election for 38th Day Straight

Surprise: Trump is not taking the Electoral College news very well.

The American people have spoken. The Electoral College has spoken. Hell, even Mitch McConnell and Vladimir Putin have spoken. And what they’ve all said, with varying degrees of enthusiasm, is that Joe Biden is the president-elect, and will be the official president of the United States come January 20, 2021. Obviously, that means Donald Trump will not be president anymore, and even though Fred Trump presumably spent a lot of time insisting he raised winners, Donald J. Trump is a loser, capital L, small o, small s, small e, small r, loser. Done. Finished. Just another (alleged!) tax cheat with a surplus of red hats and dog collars to dump in a fire sale. Of course, Trump is never going to admit that, not now, not the day the movers ship his stuff down to Mar-a-Lago, and not after throwing a shit-fit upon being told he can’t just “take” Air Force One with him. And speaking of shit-fits:

According to Axios’s Jonathan Swan, Trump believed, right up until Monday’s Electoral College vote, that “Republican–controlled state legislatures would replace electors with allies who’d overturn Joe Biden’s win,” insisting to one person over the weekend that, wait for it, there was major fraud in multiple states and asking, basically, “Do you think if the legislatures know this is all true, they would just act to overturn this?” Another source said the president ranted that Georgia governor Brian Kemp owed him big time yet did nothing to stop this election travesty, reportedly saying Kemp was way down in the polls during the 2018 primary and, out of sheer boredom, Trump “started tweeting” an endorsement that ultimately put Kemp in the governor‘s mansion. And in even sadder news, America’s greatest love story is apparently over. Per Axios:

Trump also has been telling confidants that “people at the highest levels of Fox” have reached out to his people to try to repair the relationship but that he has no desire to do that. “He wants to make them pay,” said a source who discussed Fox News with Trump in recent days. He’s focused in particular on Chris Wallace, Bret Baier, and Martha MacCallum. Trump interrupted a recent conversation that had nothing to do with Fox to ask the person he was talking to whether they’d heard that Newsmax’s Greg Kelly recently beat MacCallum in the 7 p.m. hour. He was referring to the evening ratings for December 7, in which Kelly edged out MacCallum in the 25-to-54-year-old demographic advertisers covet. Over November, however, The Story With Martha MacCallum consistently beat Newsmax’s Greg Kelly Reports in both total viewers and that age demo.

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